can I just talk about you?
you. you. you.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so annoying in my life, and I know everyone else is getting angry with me for having nothing new to talk about, but I just don’t get tired of you.
people who don’t know anything about me would assume I’m obsessed, but people who have witnessed this entire thing go down have suggested that I’m in love.
but what is love?
love is not my divorced parents, separated aunts and uncles, runaway cousins, or constant family wars.
the only love I’ve ever known has to do with a band and a girl who listens to them constantly, just to find a little piece of sanity for a moment. that’s the only thing I’ve ever had, and it’s the only thing that’s been keeping me going.
at least until you came along.
but can I just talk about you?
and the way we were lost in our sadness until we found each other, and how we built each other up again?
nowadays I find myself unable to hold a conversation with anyone but you, and with you I can completely be myself. I don’t have to hide anything anymore.
not even the way I feel about you.
of course, I’ve never been so specific (I don’t want you running off like the rest), but sometimes I wish I could let you know the things about you that give me the motivation to keep going.
like the way your blue eyes sparkle when you laugh, and the way they look like an ocean in a storm when you cry.
and the way your dimples appear when you smile, and how they give character to your face.
and the way you flip your hair when it covers your eyes.
and how you aren’t afraid to be goofy and weird, yet you love to be serious (but only) when you give advice.
and how you care about me and seem to be protective over me.
and how you always want to see me when the miles get to be too much, and how you get angry when you miss that chance.
and how you talk to so many other girls, but you’ve still kept me around as they seem to come and go.
and how you tried to make me jealous when I was in a (completely non-serious and pointless) relationship.
and how we trust each other with everything (even the things we wouldn’t tell our closest friends).
and how everything about you just makes me smile. I could make this list go on forever, but the thought of these things about you and trying to explain them in words is making me think that none of this could describe the actual beauty of them all.
I just love us and our fascinating story. I love hearing our names in the same sentence. I love seeing the pictures of us together. I love seeing you. I love the way we’re like the same person split into two. I’m almost crying at the fact that we’ve come so far, and I’m praying to God that we keep going. you’re someone I never want to lose. despite these feelings and constant thoughts about you and the endless possibilities of what we could ever be, I’m just glad you’re my friend. and if that’s all we’ll ever be, so be it. I’ll always be here for you, and I hope you’re the same way with me.
I don’t know if this is right, but I just want to say I love you. I’ve never known myself what love even is, but it feels appropriate to say. and if this is love that I’m feeling, then I think I like it. it may not be as stupid and unrealistic as I thought.